You can’t initiate a courageous act of change because the other person will love you for it. The other person may not love you for it, at least not in the short run and possibly never.

When women are taught that mothering is a “career” rather than a relationship, “retirement” becomes an understandable crisis.

“Separateness” does not mean emotional distance, which is simply one means of managing anxiety or emotional intensity. Rather, separateness refers to the preservation of the “I” within the “we” – the ability to acknowledge and respect differences and to achieve authenticity within the context of connectedness.

When another person underfunctions - be it a misbehaved child, a depressed husband, a symptomatic sibling - significant others may become focused on that person. Over time, the focus on the other may increase, whether through blaming, worrying, fixing, bailing out, protecting, pulling up slack, covering up, or simply paying too much attention with too much intensity. To the same extent, the focus on self decreases, with less energy going toward identifying and working on one's own relationship issues and clarifying one's own goals and life plan. When this happens, the underfunctioner will only tend to underfunction more and longer.
We cannot simply decide to deintensify our reactivity and focus on another person's problems. It's not something we can just "do," nor is it something we can pretend. If we try to fake it, our efforts will be short-lived at best, or we may flip from overfocus to reactive distance - the other side of the same coin. We can deintensify our focus on the other only after we find the courage to work on other relationships and issues that we do not want to pay attention to. Each of us has enough to work on for at least several lifetimes. If we move forward with these challenges for self, we can avoid becoming overfocused on and reactive to that other party.

Whenever adults are not actively working to identify and solve their own problems, then the focus on children may be especially intense or children may volunteer to deflect, detour, and act out adult issues in most imaginative ways. Indeed, children tend to inherit whatever psychological business we choose not to attend to.

She was a chronic distancer with her father and a chronic pursuer with men in her love life.

Paradoxically, couples become less able to achieve intimacy as they stay focused on it and give it their primary attention. Real closeness occurs most reliably not when it is pursued or demanded in a relationship, but when both individuals work consistently on their own selves.

What will never change is the will to change and the fear of change.

Is it like a new day every time you look in the mirror?

The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection.

If you can't get to Turkey, Turkey will come to you.

Pay it forward. It is the Canadian way.

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death.

Take advantage of the obvious. Successful people see the obvious and position themselves to profit from it.

I don't feel humiliated, I feel humbled.

Hayat bir tiyatrodur. Kurallarina gore oynayacaksin.

Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated.

Tek bir kar tanesini dusun; bir dagin tepesine suzule suzule dusen, diger kar taneleri ile birlikte bir beyaz ortu olan, erimeye baslayinca akarsulara karisip cok hizli akan ve neye ugradigini sasiran, sonra koskoca okyanusta kendini kaybeden...buhar olup goklere cikip tekrar kar tanesi olunca, suzulup tek basina yolculuk yaptigi sirada kendi varligini anlamaya calisan kar taneleriyiz aslinda.

If you are lucky enough you will get to change in this life.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Hector was happy because in the end love affairs are very tiring, so when you find somebody you love and who loves you, you really hope that it will be your last love affair. What’s strange is that, at the same time, you wonder if it isn’t a bit sad to think that it will be your last love affair. You see how complicated love is!

From Hector and his search for happiness...

How to measure happiness (the smaller the difference the happier you are):

1)- The difference between the life you have and the life you wish you had

2)- The difference between the life as it is now and the best period of your life in the past

3)- The difference between what you have and what others have

From Hector and his search for happiness…

Lesson no.1: Making comparisons can spoil your happiness.

Lesson no.2: Happiness often comes when least expected.

Lesson no.3: Many people see happiness only in their future.

Lesson no.4: Many people think that happiness comes from having more power or more money.

Lesson no.5: Sometimes happiness is not knowing the whole story.

Lesson no.6: Happiness is a long walk in beautiful, unfamiliar mountains.

Lesson no.7: It’s a mistake to think that happiness is the goal.

Lesson no.8: Happiness is being with the people you love.

Lesson no.8b: Unhappiness is being separated from the people you love.

Lesson no.9: Happiness is knowing your family lacks for nothing.

Lesson no.10: Happiness is doing a job you love.

Lesson no.11: Happiness is having a home and a garden of your own.

Lesson no.12: It’s harder to be happy in a country run by bad people.

Lesson no.13: Happiness is feeling useful to others.

Lesson no.14: Happiness is to be loved for exactly who you are.

Lesson no.15: Happiness comes when you feel truly alive.

Lesson no.16: Happiness is knowing how to celebrate.

Lesson no.17: Happiness is caring about the happiness of those you love.

Lesson no.18: Happiness is not attaching too much importance to what other people think.

Lesson no.19: The sun and the sea make everybody happy.

Lesson no.20: Happiness is a certain way of seeing things.

Lesson no.21: Rivalry poisons happiness.

Lesson no.22: Women care more than men about making others happy.

Lesson no.23: Happiness means making sure that those around you are happy.

Why do some people have more of a gift for happiness than others?

Knowing and feeling are two different things, and feeling is what counts.