Hear

Attachment = Our drive to connect with a caring other, and feel ‘seen’

Authenticity = Our ability to acknowledge our emotions, interests, and act in a way that is truly who we are, and aligns to our sense of meaning and purpose

We are always negotiating between authenticity and attachment. When authenticity threatens attachment, attachment trumps authenticity. If the choice is between ‘hiding my feelings, even from myself, and getting the basic care I need’ and ‘being myself and going without, I’m going to pick that first option every single time. Thus our real selves are leveraged bit by bit in a tragic transaction where we secure our physical or emotional survival by relinquishing who we are and how we feel.